Noise in my head – terrible making me do terrible things.
Medication – drowns out the terror and calms me down.
When the terror recedes the white noise of the medication becomes a torture all its own.
I need to turn down the white noise or I’ll go mad, a different mad.
On reduced medication the sharp edge of reality cuts.
The undulating sea of life becomes a jagged path.
– undulating side effects
– jagged cliff edge
No brainer – life / danger to life
No brainer – fog / clarity of thought
I need to feel alive. I’m tired of feeling dead.
I do want to live but it’s dangerous.