Depression – I am getting a little better at noticing the signs.
My usual routine can unfold over months or weeks and goes something like this :-
- Feel fine – slightly wired.
- Anxiety kicks in, it’s all about work – I know I’ll just try harder.
- Anxiety about everything joins the work anxieties – I keep trying harder at everything
- Cracks in my idea that I’m fine become apparent to me – I don’t feel fine, it is still all about x,y,z. It it wasn’t for those things I’d be good.
- An inkling of realisation that even if x,y,z were totally and permanently fixed that I’d still be feeling bad.
- Suddenly, I want to kill myself – now where on earth did that come from.
Just now I think I’m at about 4 or 5.